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You unlock this door
with the key of imagination.

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Beyond it is another dimension-

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a dimension of sound,

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a dimension of sight,

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a dimension of mind.

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You're moving into a land
of both shadow and substance,

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of things and ideas.

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You've just crossed over
into the twilight zone.

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Let's get with it,
conklin!

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A tight office
is a happy office.

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Idle hands make
for an unproductive poop deck.

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Belay that,
miss abernathy.

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Extraneous activity is
nothing more nor less

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than sloppy seamanship,
in a manner of speaking.

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You there,
fenstermacher!

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Let's keep
an even keel there,

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in a manner
of speaking.

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Let's keep
an even keel there, man.

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To all of you...

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bear in mind
that we must all of us go aft,

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00:02:00,949 --> 00:02:04,784
climb up the old mast and,
in a manner of speaking,

24
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set our sights
to a distant horizon.

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Tight ship! A happy ship!

26
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Damn the torpedoes
of competition

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and full speed ahead!

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Well shot, mr. Conklin.

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Right between
captain bligh's eyeballs.

30
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He's an exceptional voice;
my ears are still ringing.

31
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You know, that fat boy
is headed for mutiny?

32
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Where would you find a plank
heavy enough to hold him?

33
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When i think of
all the kamikazes

34
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they threw at us
during the war,

35
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wouldn't you think
justonewould have hithim?

36
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One of these days...

37
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one of these days,
all that noise

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is going to come back
and bite him.

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I hope i'm around
to see it happen.

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This is roswell g. Flemington-

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220 pounds of gristle,
lung tissue and sound decibels.

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He is, as you have perceived,
a noisy man;

43
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one of a breed who substitutes
volume for substance,

44
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sound for significance,

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and shouting to cover up
the readily apparent phenomena

46
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that he is nothing more

47
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than an overweight
and aging perennial sea scout

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whose noisemaking
is in inverse ratio

49
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to his competence
and to his character.

50
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But soon, our would-be admiral
of the fleet

51
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will embark on another voyage.

52
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This one is an unchartered
and twisting stream

53
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that heads for a distant port
called... the twilight zone.

54
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Hello?

55
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Hello?!

56
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Who?

57
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Oh, just a moment.
I can't hear you.

58
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Please.

59
00:04:33,601 --> 00:04:36,069
Roswell! Roswell!

60
00:04:36,104 --> 00:04:38,571
Could you turn that down
just a little bit?

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I can't hear a thing
on the telephone!

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00:04:40,475 --> 00:04:43,443
Do you know what that is, madam?

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Collector's item.

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The actual sounds
of the battleshipmissouri

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bombarding okinawa!

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But i can't hear
who's on the phone!

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Lay on, gentlemen,
and let 'em know what's what!

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Fire at will!

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00:05:00,495 --> 00:05:02,345
And by the good lord harry,

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we'll show them
how the navy treats aggression!

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00:05:24,484 --> 00:05:28,871
And that, madam,
was an act of utter abomination

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and the most callous vandalism.

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May i remind you

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that those were
the actual sounds

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of the battleshipmissouri
bombarding okinawa?!

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00:05:38,282 --> 00:05:40,133
And there were
only 100

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such records in existence.

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Now there are only 99.

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What you have done, madam,
is an act of desecration

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not unlike the defacing
of a statue of john paul jones.

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What are you, madam,
some sort of a fanatic?

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Roswell, we've had
this out before.

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What was once an
idiosyncracy of yours

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00:06:05,309 --> 00:06:07,160
is now an obsession.

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This-this insistence
on blaring noises

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00:06:09,697 --> 00:06:10,913
and running a household

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like it was a destroyer
escort on convoy duty-

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the combination has now
become quite impossible,

89
00:06:16,571 --> 00:06:19,038
and i can't live with it.

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Stand, madam!

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00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:24,427
Oh, knock it off, roswell.

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00:06:24,794 --> 00:06:27,296
You are an insufferable,
noisy clown,

93
00:06:27,331 --> 00:06:29,182
but you are not stupid!

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00:06:29,217 --> 00:06:31,050
I have had
you up to here,

95
00:06:31,085 --> 00:06:32,935
and my ears
have had you,

96
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and my stomach
lining has had you,

97
00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:36,055
and whatever
part of the brain

98
00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:37,306
that keeps a
person balanced-

99
00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:39,192
that's had you, too.

100
00:06:39,227 --> 00:06:41,694
In short, roswell,
ihave had you!

101
00:06:41,729 --> 00:06:45,815
I am absolutely and completely
thunderstruck!

102
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Are you, now?

103
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I am, indeed.

104
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My own wife-
and after 20 years!

105
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20 years ago, roswell,
i wasn't taken in marriage.

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I waspipedaboard.

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And after 20 years,
the shrill piping

108
00:07:02,617 --> 00:07:05,084
has become absolutely
unbearable.

109
00:07:05,119 --> 00:07:08,221
So, at this point, roswell,
i'm leaving,

110
00:07:08,256 --> 00:07:11,974
in a manner of speaking,
the ship's company!

111
00:07:12,009 --> 00:07:15,094
You're deserting me!

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00:07:15,129 --> 00:07:18,848
In a manner of speaking,
roswell, you said it!

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It wasn't locked,
roswell.

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It might interest
you to know, madam,

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that when i was
a young chap,

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i had a mother who
insisted she was ill.

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She was a whiny, petulant,
complaining female

118
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similar to yourself.

119
00:08:04,929 --> 00:08:08,030
And when i would come
home from school,

120
00:08:08,065 --> 00:08:11,784
she would make me walk tiptoe
and whisper.

121
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Whisper... whisper... whisper.

122
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You know, in our house,

123
00:08:19,327 --> 00:08:21,794
we never had any cookies.

124
00:08:21,829 --> 00:08:24,914
All we had were fudge brownies,

125
00:08:24,949 --> 00:08:29,302
because they made less noise
when you chewed them.

126
00:08:29,337 --> 00:08:30,553
"Eat your brownie

127
00:08:30,588 --> 00:08:33,055
"and run upstairs and change,

128
00:08:33,090 --> 00:08:36,175
but keep it quiet."

129
00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:39,929
And i tell you, madam,
i had quite enough of that!

130
00:08:39,964 --> 00:08:42,431
And that is why
i went to sea!

131
00:08:42,466 --> 00:08:45,568
And that is why
i've spent my life

132
00:08:45,603 --> 00:08:49,939
in the very wholesome, healthy
and quite understandable pursuit

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00:08:49,974 --> 00:08:51,824
of the free and the unfettered.

134
00:08:51,859 --> 00:08:54,327
And that is why
i am the owner,

135
00:08:54,362 --> 00:08:58,080
manager, chairman of the board
and president

136
00:08:58,115 --> 00:09:01,200
of the roswell g. Flemington
model ship company-

137
00:09:01,235 --> 00:09:03,703
second to none in the field!

138
00:09:03,738 --> 00:09:06,839
Whose motto is,
"damn the torpedoes,

139
00:09:06,874 --> 00:09:09,959
full steam ahead
for fun and profits."

140
00:09:09,994 --> 00:09:12,461
I know the company, i know
the president, i know the motto.

141
00:09:12,496 --> 00:09:15,598
And i respond,
mr. Roswell g. Flemington,

142
00:09:15,633 --> 00:09:17,466
with the following
nautical phrase

143
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:21,220
whichihave now taken to heart
and will proceed to implement.

144
00:09:21,255 --> 00:09:24,974
The phrase is,
"lay aft, and dump the garbage!"

145
00:09:25,009 --> 00:09:26,225
So, in a manner
of speaking,

146
00:09:26,609 --> 00:09:29,111
consider yourself
dumped!

147
00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:48,381
"Flight deck sounds of aircraft

148
00:09:48,416 --> 00:09:50,883
leaving the carrierhornet."

149
00:10:04,013 --> 00:10:05,264
Good riddance, madam!

150
00:10:05,299 --> 00:10:07,149
I have never liked you.

151
00:10:07,184 --> 00:10:09,018
I have simply suffered you.

152
00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:20,566
Well?

153
00:12:23,068 --> 00:12:25,571
Nothing abnormal,
mr. Flemington.

154
00:12:25,606 --> 00:12:28,073
No excess wax, no
obstruction of any kind,

155
00:12:28,108 --> 00:12:29,959
no inflammation.

156
00:12:29,994 --> 00:12:31,827
By the great lord harry,

157
00:12:31,862 --> 00:12:33,712
candor dictates, doctor,
that i tell you

158
00:12:33,747 --> 00:12:37,466
that as a ship's surgeon,
you wouldn't make a cabin boy

159
00:12:37,501 --> 00:12:39,335
in a manner of speaking.

160
00:12:39,370 --> 00:12:41,837
Frankly, i
think consulting another physician

161
00:12:41,872 --> 00:12:43,722
might be an extremely
practical idea.

162
00:12:43,757 --> 00:12:46,225
I only wish you'd had a modicum
of professional ethics

163
00:12:46,260 --> 00:12:48,727
and given me this advice
before you went through

164
00:12:48,762 --> 00:12:51,230
the motions of this
perfunctory examination.

165
00:12:51,265 --> 00:12:53,599
As it is, i shall be
dunned with your bill

166
00:12:53,634 --> 00:12:56,101
as well as the bill of
another ear specialist.

167
00:12:56,136 --> 00:12:58,604
In point of fact,
mr. Flemington,

168
00:12:58,639 --> 00:13:02,358
i wasn't going to recommend
another ear specialist.

169
00:13:02,393 --> 00:13:05,494
Now, i had in mind
perhaps some, uh, well...

170
00:13:05,529 --> 00:13:07,363
some psychiatric help.

171
00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:13,252
I presume you
are being humorous, sir.

172
00:13:13,869 --> 00:13:16,372
It is only that
charitable outlook

173
00:13:16,407 --> 00:13:19,508
that prevents your
being called to accounts.

174
00:13:19,543 --> 00:13:21,377
Psychiatrist, eh?

175
00:13:21,412 --> 00:13:23,879
Well, let me
tell you, doctor-

176
00:13:23,914 --> 00:13:26,382
and i use
the term loosely-

177
00:13:26,417 --> 00:13:29,385
there are few people
walking this earth

178
00:13:29,420 --> 00:13:31,270
as sane as i am.

179
00:13:31,305 --> 00:13:33,889
I bid you good day, sir.

180
00:13:33,924 --> 00:13:35,391
Good day.

181
00:13:48,904 --> 00:13:52,041
What do you suppose
happened to lardhead?

182
00:13:52,076 --> 00:13:53,292
Count your blessings, honey.

183
00:13:53,327 --> 00:13:53,909
I've been here four years,

184
00:13:53,944 --> 00:13:55,794
and this is the first
time he's been late.

185
00:13:56,412 --> 00:13:57,663
Wouldn't it be
marvelous if his car

186
00:13:57,698 --> 00:13:59,548
fell off the ferryboat
with him in it?

187
00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:03,302
The millennium, the
absolute millennium.

188
00:14:04,588 --> 00:14:07,056
Thus endeth the dream.

189
00:14:07,091 --> 00:14:09,558
Good morning, mr. Flem-

190
00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:20,819
i've been here five years
and that's the first time

191
00:14:20,854 --> 00:14:22,688
he's walked in
without telling me

192
00:14:22,723 --> 00:14:24,573
that the smoking lamp
was not lit

193
00:14:24,608 --> 00:14:26,442
and that we had to move
full speed ahead

194
00:14:26,477 --> 00:14:28,327
toward the shores
of prosperity.

195
00:14:28,362 --> 00:14:30,829
Maybe he's sick.

196
00:14:30,864 --> 00:14:33,949
Something incurable,
like barnacles on the brain.

197
00:14:33,984 --> 00:14:34,583
Very good.

198
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,086
Conklin, get out your darts.

199
00:14:37,121 --> 00:14:40,205
Only forget the portrait-
shoot for the record.

200
00:14:42,743 --> 00:14:43,959
That's odd.

201
00:14:43,994 --> 00:14:45,844
Very odd.

202
00:14:45,879 --> 00:14:47,096
I've been here ten years

203
00:14:47,131 --> 00:14:50,849
and that's the first time
i've seen him look frightened.

204
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,748
Let's keep it
quiet out here.

205
00:15:22,783 --> 00:15:24,633
I was just...

206
00:15:35,010 --> 00:15:38,147
with your permission,
mr. Flemington,

207
00:15:38,182 --> 00:15:40,015
new shoes.

208
00:15:40,050 --> 00:15:41,900
What have you
got in them,

209
00:15:41,935 --> 00:15:43,769
pipe organs?

210
00:15:43,804 --> 00:15:45,654
This ship has
got to shape up.

211
00:15:45,689 --> 00:15:47,523
Repeat- shape up.

212
00:15:47,558 --> 00:15:50,025
Noise is
not efficiency.

213
00:15:50,060 --> 00:15:51,910
Let's secure now.

214
00:15:51,945 --> 00:15:53,779
And watch this noise.

215
00:15:55,030 --> 00:15:56,281
Yes, sir.

216
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:08,293
Unless i'm very much mistaken,

217
00:16:08,328 --> 00:16:12,047
it is one of those very odd
phenomena, aural suggestion.

218
00:16:12,082 --> 00:16:15,551
A person talks himself
into believing occurrences

219
00:16:15,586 --> 00:16:18,053
when they are
figments of imagination.

220
00:16:18,088 --> 00:16:21,190
Beyond that, there is
definitely some suggestion

221
00:16:21,225 --> 00:16:23,692
that you are
resentful of your mother.

222
00:16:23,727 --> 00:16:27,446
And have a preoccupation
with her imaginary ailments.

223
00:16:27,481 --> 00:16:29,198
My guess for the moment

224
00:16:29,233 --> 00:16:33,569
would be that this feeling
extended itself to your wife

225
00:16:33,604 --> 00:16:37,322
who provided you with
a similar mother image.

226
00:16:37,357 --> 00:16:40,576
But i can tell you this,
mr. Flemington,

227
00:16:40,611 --> 00:16:43,078
and forgive me
if i repeat myself:

228
00:16:43,113 --> 00:16:46,832
These occurrences are pure
figments of imagination.

229
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:53,088
I believe
that, doctor.

230
00:16:53,123 --> 00:16:55,591
Now, snap your fingers.

231
00:16:59,344 --> 00:17:01,847
Well, do you
think i, uh...

232
00:17:01,882 --> 00:17:04,983
go ahead,
snap your fingers.

233
00:17:07,486 --> 00:17:09,354
Any abnormal sound?

234
00:17:09,389 --> 00:17:11,240
Normal!

235
00:17:11,275 --> 00:17:13,108
Stamp your feet.

236
00:17:18,782 --> 00:17:20,616
Normal again?

237
00:17:20,651 --> 00:17:23,752
Happily, delightfully,
comfortingly normal.

238
00:17:42,521 --> 00:17:44,389
You've cured
me, doctor.

239
00:17:44,424 --> 00:17:46,275
By the good lord harry,

240
00:17:46,310 --> 00:17:48,777
if admiral nelson had
had you at trafalgar,

241
00:17:48,812 --> 00:17:51,897
he'd have saved
both his eye and his arm.

242
00:17:51,932 --> 00:17:55,033
In naval parlance,
sir, you're 4.0.

243
00:17:55,068 --> 00:17:58,153
4.0, sir, in a
manner of speaking.

244
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:07,546
That's all right,
mr. Flemington.

245
00:18:07,581 --> 00:18:09,414
Slam it at will,
be my guest.

246
00:18:09,449 --> 00:18:13,168
You, sir, have
the soul of a seaman.

247
00:18:13,203 --> 00:18:14,419
Bless you.

248
00:18:21,927 --> 00:18:23,178
Incredible.

249
00:18:23,213 --> 00:18:25,063
Absolutely incredible.

250
00:18:25,098 --> 00:18:26,932
Mind over matter.

251
00:18:26,967 --> 00:18:28,817
My wife obviously the culprit

252
00:18:28,852 --> 00:18:31,320
a miserable preoccupation
with noise

253
00:18:31,355 --> 00:18:33,822
literally planted
the seed in my head.

254
00:18:33,857 --> 00:18:36,942
Incredible what
one crew member can do

255
00:18:36,977 --> 00:18:38,827
to a whole ship's company.

256
00:18:38,862 --> 00:18:41,947
And the whole business,
mind over matter.

257
00:18:59,464 --> 00:19:01,350
Madam, you
are not welcome

258
00:19:01,385 --> 00:19:03,852
on this particular
quarter deck.

259
00:19:03,887 --> 00:19:06,355
Nor shall i
stay here, admiral.

260
00:19:06,390 --> 00:19:08,857
I forgot some
of my jewelry.

261
00:19:08,892 --> 00:19:10,108
I will retrieve same

262
00:19:10,143 --> 00:19:13,228
and then, whether you
pipe me ashore or not,

263
00:19:13,263 --> 00:19:16,365
that's precisely
where i'll be heading.

264
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,233
And might i add this, madam...

265
00:19:18,268 --> 00:19:21,987
despite your efforts
to capsize this worthy vessel,

266
00:19:22,022 --> 00:19:23,238
in a manner of speaking,

267
00:19:23,273 --> 00:19:26,992
against the rocks and
hidden shoals of petulance

268
00:19:27,027 --> 00:19:30,128
and petty dissatisfaction,
the ship remains tight

269
00:19:30,163 --> 00:19:33,882
and all your efforts,
worthless and wasteful.

270
00:19:33,917 --> 00:19:35,133
Horatio, old pal,

271
00:19:35,168 --> 00:19:38,887
let the following
be my final comments:

272
00:19:38,922 --> 00:19:41,139
You are an overgrown sailor boy

273
00:19:41,174 --> 00:19:43,008
with an undermanned head.

274
00:19:43,043 --> 00:19:45,510
You are so full
of incredible neuroses

275
00:19:45,545 --> 00:19:48,647
that i wonder that you
haven't cracked before this.

276
00:19:48,682 --> 00:19:51,149
Belay that, madam, belay that.

277
00:19:51,184 --> 00:19:54,903
It just so happens i have had
a psychiatric examination,

278
00:19:54,938 --> 00:19:58,023
and if there is one thing
wrong with me, it is you.

279
00:19:58,058 --> 00:19:59,908
It is simply you.

280
00:19:59,943 --> 00:20:01,276
And furthermore, madam,

281
00:20:01,311 --> 00:20:03,161
i can tell you
one other thing:

282
00:20:03,779 --> 00:20:06,915
The whole business
is mind over matter.

283
00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:11,286
Totally and absolutely
mind over matter.

284
00:20:11,321 --> 00:20:15,040
Do you know what
i can do to you?

285
00:20:15,075 --> 00:20:17,542
I can shut you off.

286
00:20:17,577 --> 00:20:19,428
Do you realize that?

287
00:20:19,463 --> 00:20:23,181
I can literally shut you off

288
00:20:23,216 --> 00:20:25,934
because i am a man
of such incredible will

289
00:20:25,969 --> 00:20:28,437
that i can do
anything i want to do.

290
00:20:28,472 --> 00:20:32,057
Now, go ahead.

291
00:20:32,092 --> 00:20:34,559
Yell at me.

292
00:20:34,594 --> 00:20:37,696
Go on, yell at me.

293
00:20:37,731 --> 00:20:40,198
Because even now,
at this moment

294
00:20:40,233 --> 00:20:45,203
i am in the process of
exercising mind over matter.

295
00:20:45,238 --> 00:20:48,323
I am shutting you...

296
00:20:48,358 --> 00:20:49,574
out.

297
00:20:49,609 --> 00:20:53,328
Flemington, i really
do wonder about you.

298
00:20:53,363 --> 00:20:57,082
I wonder why no
one has committed you.

299
00:20:57,117 --> 00:20:58,333
I really-

300
00:20:58,368 --> 00:21:00,218
see! See!

301
00:21:00,253 --> 00:21:02,721
I have shut you out.

302
00:21:02,756 --> 00:21:05,223
Go on,
talk some more.

303
00:21:05,841 --> 00:21:08,977
Really, roswell,
you do need help.

304
00:21:09,594 --> 00:21:12,097
You really do need help.

305
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,103
Incredible... mind over matter.

306
00:21:18,737 --> 00:21:21,857
I want to shut her out,
i simply shut her out.

307
00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:25,610
Now, then.

308
00:21:25,645 --> 00:21:27,496
What shall we listen to tonight?

309
00:21:29,998 --> 00:21:31,867
"Anchors aweigh"?

310
00:21:31,902 --> 00:21:35,003
"Midshipmans' march"?

311
00:21:35,038 --> 00:21:36,872
Let's see.

312
00:21:37,506 --> 00:21:40,008
"Actual sounds
of japanese destroyer

313
00:21:40,043 --> 00:21:42,511
"exploding in lada bay.

314
00:21:42,546 --> 00:21:44,379
"Complete with boiler hissings,

315
00:21:44,414 --> 00:21:48,133
fantail cracking
and smokestack exploding."

316
00:21:48,168 --> 00:21:50,635
Great, great.

317
00:22:04,399 --> 00:22:06,902
Better get ready out there.

318
00:22:06,937 --> 00:22:09,788
This will
galvanize you properly.

319
00:23:36,741 --> 00:23:39,244
Louder! Louder!

320
00:23:39,279 --> 00:23:41,746
Make more noise.

321
00:23:41,781 --> 00:23:43,632
Let's hear it.

322
00:23:43,667 --> 00:23:46,134
Come on, let's hear it.

323
00:23:46,169 --> 00:23:50,889
Louder!

324
00:23:50,924 --> 00:23:53,391
When last heard from

325
00:23:53,426 --> 00:23:55,894
mr. Roswell g. Flemington
was in a sanitarium

326
00:23:55,929 --> 00:23:59,014
pleading with the medical staff
to make some noise.

327
00:23:59,049 --> 00:24:02,767
They believed the case
to be a rather tragic aberration

328
00:24:02,802 --> 00:24:04,653
a man's mind becoming unhinged.

329
00:24:04,688 --> 00:24:08,406
And for this, they'll give him
pills, therapy and rest.

330
00:24:08,441 --> 00:24:12,777
Little do they realize that all
mr. Flemington is suffering from

331
00:24:12,812 --> 00:24:14,663
is a case of poetic justice.

332
00:24:14,698 --> 00:24:17,165
Tonight's tale
of sounds and silences

333
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,668
from the twilight zone.

334
00:24:22,220 --> 00:24:24,005
And now, mr. Serling.

335
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,257
Next time out on
the twilight zone

336
00:24:25,292 --> 00:24:28,376
we move in to a very dark corner
of the odd and the unpredictable

337
00:24:28,411 --> 00:24:29,628
with a story called
"caesar and me."

338
00:24:30,262 --> 00:24:31,513
It's written
by adele t. Strassfield,

339
00:24:32,130 --> 00:24:34,015
and it stars one of
the most talented young men

340
00:24:34,050 --> 00:24:36,518
on the acting scene today,
jackie cooper.

341
00:24:36,553 --> 00:24:39,638
Here's one that may stay with
you after the lights are out.

342
00:24:39,673 --> 00:24:41,523
It's a story of a ventriloquist
and his dummy,

343
00:24:41,558 --> 00:24:44,025
and this one is designed
for the cold chills

344
00:24:44,060 --> 00:24:46,528
and the hot fevers.

345
00:24:47,528 --> 00:24:57,528
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346
00:24:57,578 --> 00:25:02,128
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